man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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