She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
