Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
