If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
