its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
