yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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