did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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