I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
whose parrot is this?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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