Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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