Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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