wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
