So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Also, beer. Big fan.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
