shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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