when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
