i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
