Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
