I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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