Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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