i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It was confusing and full of hummus
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She even gives head with a lisp.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
