The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
