As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
