if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
