fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
