i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
