it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
