how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
