Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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