i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
