he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
