i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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