Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
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I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
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The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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