drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
