just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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