He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i barfeds in our rink
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
tell me about the eggs
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
