i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
