Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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