Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
