all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
