One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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