Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
