I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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