How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
