yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
