I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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