Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
