I am in a vortex of obligation.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
