It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
