You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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