I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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