I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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