Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
