I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
