I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My balls are so social today.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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