everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
