I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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