how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
