I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
