I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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