i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
