I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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