Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
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Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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