at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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