i just sent this text using only my big toe
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
