I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't deserve a penis
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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