"it" just moved
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
