hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
