I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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