I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
