Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
