Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
