i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
