Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
