That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is it penis luge time yet?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize